Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
