Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
