who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i barfeds in our rink
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
