That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
