This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
