Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
