I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
