Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
