Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
