My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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