I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
