Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
