He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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