I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
