Pregnant stripper...not hot.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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