She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
