I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
