I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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