I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I didn't notice because vodka
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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