last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
