dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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