you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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