My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
