It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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