if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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