He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
