The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
