Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
