Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
