No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
