My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
