let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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