I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
