My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
