i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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