woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
