Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
