you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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