you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
