White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
