I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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