I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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