Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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