he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
