My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
