i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
