It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
