There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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