return my video game
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
