There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
