ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
