This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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